|
|
Post by jkmlynch on Aug 20, 2021 17:01:43 GMT
Ah, misconceptions and false narratives. Loads of them exist about Aromantic people. This thread is where you can vent about all the twaddle. So, what chaps your a$$?
|
|
|
|
Post by jkmlynch on Aug 20, 2021 17:03:35 GMT
While visiting a different forum earlier today I came across a topic in which the original poster asked about the differences between romantic relationships and queer platonic relationships (or as I prefer to call them Platonic Companionships). One of the responders said there was no difference between them, beside the names. Oh, you better believe that chapped my a$$. In the past I have been in both a platonic companionship and a romantic relationship (granted, the romance in that relationship was supplied entirely by the other person). Their natures are different. Still, my comprehension of romantic relationships is limited, so I am going to summon SeanBirdGongoozler to correct me if I am wrong about romance. The hoped-for goal of a romantic relationship is the development of emotional intimacy between the people involved that blossoms into a love unique from the emotions one feels for friends and family. A platonic companionship is about mutual respect and care; it is friendship but also something else, something a bit deeper. Affection is present, but the emotional intimacy found in romantic relationships is not. Although you enjoy the other person’s company and may even live with them, you remain more emotionally detached from them than you would in a long-term romantic relationship. |
|
|
|
Post by jkmlynch on Aug 20, 2021 19:13:50 GMT
“When are you going to get married?”
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/itfriend?”
I have lost count how many times my extended family has asked me those questions. It really chaps my a$$ that the family thinks I need a romantic attachment to be happy.
I am not opposed to forming a platonic companionship with another person someday. If one develops organically as I get to know another person—that would be great. But I am also happy just being me and don’t go out of my way to find a companion. Setting up an account on ace/aro dating sites sounds tedious and would probably chap my a$$.
|
|
Argent
Junior Member
z = z² + c
Posts: 60
Sexual Orientation: Pan-greyromantic asexual
Pronouns: Any
|
Post by Argent on Aug 21, 2021 9:39:50 GMT
The hoped-for goal of a romantic relationship is the development of emotional intimacy between the people involved that blossoms into a love unique from the emotions one feels for friends and family. A platonic companionship is about mutual respect and care; it is friendship but also something else, something a bit deeper. Affection is present, but the emotional intimacy found in romantic relationships is not. Although you enjoy the other person’s company and may even live with them, you remain more emotionally detached from them than you would in a long-term romantic relationship. Your post constitutes something that "chaps my a$$" as a greyromantic. I don't believe people who don't feel romantic attraction should make blanket statements about what romance is or isn't. What you described is just one aspect of a romantic relationship, and FYI, I know aromantic people who want platonic companionships and to them emotional attachment IS very important. I agree that platonic relationships and romance aren't always the same, but I really wish that people would just accept that what a relationship is depends on the individuals involved in it and how they define it, because that would save a whole lot of grief and rage on both sides. |
|
|
|
Post by jkmlynch on Aug 21, 2021 10:04:53 GMT
The hoped-for goal of a romantic relationship is the development of emotional intimacy between the people involved that blossoms into a love unique from the emotions one feels for friends and family. A platonic companionship is about mutual respect and care; it is friendship but also something else, something a bit deeper. Affection is present, but the emotional intimacy found in romantic relationships is not. Although you enjoy the other person’s company and may even live with them, you remain more emotionally detached from them than you would in a long-term romantic relationship. Your post constitutes something that "chaps my a$$" as a greyromantic. I don't believe people who don't feel romantic attraction should make blanket statements about what romance is or isn't. What you described is just one aspect of a romantic relationship, and FYI, I know aromantic people who want platonic companionships and to them emotional attachment IS very important. I agree that platonic relationships and romance aren't always the same, but I really wish that people would just accept that what a relationship is depends on the individuals involved in it and how they define it, because that would save a whole lot of grief and rage on both sides. Agreed, which is why I tagged someone I know to be a romantic asexual to help me with my limited understanding of romantic attraction. Thank you for providing feedback to help me and other aromantic people better understand this romance stuff. Feedback is something that does not chap my a$$. But I want to point out that aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction. Romantic attraction, like sexual attraction, is hard to define and is subject to a vast array of personal interpretations, so an individual's understanding of who they are as an aromantic will vary from that held by someone else. Even so, their understanding of who they are will lack romantic attraction to other people (or some may think they experience a negligible amount of of romantic attraction). This means that a platonic companionship will never be the same as a romantic relationship, just as a romantic relationship is not the same as a sexual one. That does not make a platonic companionship less meaningful, just different. |
|
Argent
Junior Member
z = z² + c
Posts: 60
Sexual Orientation: Pan-greyromantic asexual
Pronouns: Any
|
Post by Argent on Aug 22, 2021 10:14:01 GMT
But I want to point out that aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction. Romantic attraction, like sexual attraction, is hard to define and is subject to a vast array of personal interpretations, so an individual's understanding of who they are as an aromantic will vary from that held by someone else. Even so, their understanding of who they are will lack romantic attraction to other people (or some may think they experience a negligible amount of of romantic attraction). This means that a platonic companionship will never be the same as a romantic relationship, just as a romantic relationship is not the same as a sexual one. That does not make a platonic companionship less meaningful, just different. That's not what I said in my last post. If you reread it, you'll find that I stated I'm aware relationships can be different between aromantic and romantic, as well as between two relationships labelled the exact same way. No two relationships are entirely equal. If you believe the sort of feelings you have for people don't classify as "romantic", and you don't want to form bonds described as "romantic", then you do you. What annoys me is the blanket statement of "emotional detachment" that's necessarily present in relationships that aren't romantic. I have and have had close friends that I definitely had strong emotional attachment to, and from the wording of your post, it seemed that literally any non-romantic relationship involves emotional detachment. I think that's kind of insulting to non-romantic bonds in general, regardless of what type. If you were trying to say YOU don't want emotional attachment in YOUR aromantic bonds then that's fine, but please don't project that on other people's platonic relationships. |
|
|
|
Post by jkmlynch on Aug 22, 2021 12:35:46 GMT
Argent Okay. I understand what you are saying. But my whole point was to compare a romantic relationship with a QPR (or my preferred term, platonic companionship), not with every possible platonic relationship. Perhaps I was not clear (and for that I apologize), but the emotional detachment I was referring to involved only the emotional elements unique to a romantic relationship. And personally, as someone who does not experience romantic attraction, that is a good thing.
|
|
